A Powerful Technique To Combat Depression. Is Something Missing From Your Life?

I FIRST MET SUSAN in a mental-health hospital in London. Susan was a lawyer, 30-something, tall, with dark hair and olive skin, attractive, witty, intelligent, and very depressed. This was her fourth time as an inpatient. She was diagnosed with chronic, treatment-resistant depression.

Susan was sitting in the patients’ lounge. She was playing with a jigsaw puzzle. I said “Hello” and asked her how she was getting on.

“Okay,” she said.

“It looks like you have nearly finished the puzzle,” I said.

“Yeah, but I probably won’t get to finish it,” replied Susan.

“Why not?”

“Well, I suspect there may be a piece missing.”

I saw Susan again at the end of my visit. She was reading a magazine.

“Did you finish the puzzle?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“What about the missing piece?” I asked.

“Everything was already here,” she smiled.

“Great!”

“Yeah, I always think there must be a piece missing. It’s the story of my life,” she said. We both smiled because we both knew what she was really talking about.

Do You Feel Depressed Because Something is Missing? 

The fear that something is missing somewhere in you or in your life is the greatest illusion of all. It is a rogue thought that can wreak havoc with perception, creating much self-doubt, self-criticism, and self-attack. It is a dastardly magician that conjures up mental tricks of lack, loss, isolation, neediness, dependency, and much pain.

The fear that something is missing in you is what leads you to search somewhere else for happiness. You overlook what is already “here” as you chase after “there”; you miss the “sacred now” as you ponder your “next step”; you forget to be grateful for what “is” as you prey after “more.” You search, struggle, and strive, but you never arrive because you can’t get past the thought that something is missing. If this sounds like you, I recommend reading my book, Be Happy, for a proven step by step guide to help you stop chasing happiness and start enjoying your life as it happens instead.

The True Source of Happiness

Can you see that all your pain comes from the belief that your source of happiness is outside you? This single misperception—this little fear—is what feeds your mental junk, your learned unworthiness, and your “not good enough” stuff. Notice how all your thoughts of fear and lack are reversed the moment you accept that every piece of universal joy rests already in your heart. Feel this, now.

Every culture has its sacred sites and holy meeting grounds. Thousands of people every day travel in pilgrimage to far off places like Lourdes, the Great Pyramids, Ayers Rock, the Grand Canyon, Mount Shasta, Stonehenge, Mount Athos, the Himalayas. These places hold sacred energy, they say. And yet, nowhere is more sacred than the human heart—home of your Unconditioned Self. You are sacred ground.

Do you see this?

Imagine That You Already Have What You Seek

Your two physical eyes see bits of things. They see bits of the color spectrum, bits of the landscape, bits of the ocean, bits of the sky. They see bits of you and bits of me. But they do not see the big picture. It is only when you look with the heart that you can begin to comprehend the possibility of true wholeness, true beauty, and true oneness.

It is my experience that the most amazing people act as if everything is already here. Great artists tune in to something universal when they create. Great thinkers trust in a solution for every problem. Great leaders lend themselves to guidance and inspiration. Great healers see people’s wholeness long before any cure arrives.

Imagine that! Imagine whatever you want is here right now. What do you want? Wisdom? It’s already here. Peace? It’s already here.

Inspiration? It’s here already. It’s all here, because you are. This is the big picture. This is what your Unconditioned Self sees.

You are what you seek. This means that whatever joy you hoped “to get” after you found your true partner, got the dream job, bought the ideal home, and earned the right money is already in you! When you search for love, joy, power, money, Heaven, and God; you are really searching for the experience of your Unconditioned Self that is unencumbered by fear, separation, and lack.

You are not here to find happiness; you are here to extend it. You are inspiration-packed, wisdom-infused, made with love, and blessed with joy. And so is everyone else. To be free all you have to do is make yourself wholly available to what is already inside you. Real healing is giving up your resistance to your Unconditioned Self.

Here is some graffiti for the soul. “I am what I seek.” Write it up and stick it in your wallet. Truth is here, inspiration is here, love is here, peace is here, help is here, God is here, because you are here. Truth is a pathless land, and happiness is a journey without distance.

_{Editor’s Note: This is an updated version of You Are What You Seek}

Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. Robert coaches leaders in business, education, politics and healthcare.

 

The Joy of Slow. Stop speeding and enjoy the trip.

“God Spede” was once a common Old English blessing used by friends and travelers. It is out of fashion now, heard only in classic black-and-white films featuring musketeers, heroes of war, and kings and queens. If “God Spede” were still used today, it would mean “live as fast as you can,” “work as quickly as possible,” and “don’t stop till you get there.” But in Old English, “God Spede” did not mean “fast”; it meant to “prosper,” “be wise,” and enjoy “the highest success.” The word spede is from the Old English spedan, which means “success.”

Once when I was in London giving a talk on Success Intelligence, I hailed a taxi to take me from Trafalgar Square to Paddington Station. The interior of the taxi was decorated with inspirational sayings like “You must be the change you want to see in the world” (Gandhi), “Each day provides its own gifts” (Martial), and “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). There was also a “God Spede” sticker with a picture of an angel sitting in repose.

I told the driver how much I appreciated the words of wisdom in his taxi. “Thank you for noticing,” he said. We talked about the Manic Society and the need to slow down from time to time. He said, “Most people think this taxi is an ambulance. They act like everything is a life-or-death emergency. I should fix a siren on my roof.” My taxi driver told me he drives for ten hours a day in London and never logs more than 80 miles. “Everyone is in a hurry and the fastest we go is eight miles an hour. It’s bloody madness,” he said. As we said farewell, we wished each other “God Spede.”

The “paradox of fast” is that doing things fast isn’t always the quickest way to success. “Fast” has its advantages when used appropriately, but it is not the only strategy for success. Success Intelligence appreciates the importance of fast and slow, movement and stillness, pursuit and pause, action and rest. The wisdom of fast is knowing when and how to change gears, because living fast does not guarantee quicker happiness and working fast does not guarantee more quality. Success requires a strategic balance between fast and slow. Think about it:

• Are the best musicians those who can play their instruments fastest?
• Are the best actors the ones who can say their lines the quickest?
• Are the wisest people you know the fastest thinkers?
• Do the best golfers swing their clubs faster than the rest?
• Do the best athletes force the pace from the front for the entire race?
• Are the best leaders the ones who have had overnight success?
• Are the best companies the ones that grow the quickest?
• Do the best friendships develop fastest?
• Are the most successful people on the planet always in a hurry?

Success Intelligence is knowing when to go fast and when to take things slowly. The ability to go fast becomes counterproductive when you try to doeverything fast. The joy of slow teaches you to discern between busyness and wisdom, effort and grace, progress and truth. Slowing down can help you to stay true to your vision during the fast times. Slowing down can help you to sharpen your focus, adjust any blurring, and be more perceptive. In fact, going slow can help you to go fast better.

Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. Robert coaches leaders in business, education, politics and healthcare.

 

Learning Is Living

“The soul should always stand ajar, ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.”

– Emily Dickinson

IF THE SCHOOL OF GRACE had its own motto, it would surely be: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” This ancient proverb appears in many spiritual texts written by Buddhists, Hindus, Taoists, Christians, and Theosophists, each of whom claim it as their own. It is a spiritual truth, a success mantra, that is practical and relevant to modern life, work, and relationships. It conveys great wisdom in a few words, and the closer you inspect the words the more wisdom you find. This proverb can teach us a lot about success.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears” begins by affirming that everyone is a student. Albert Einstein called himself a pupil who wanted to know the thoughts of God. Leonardo da Vinci said he learned everything from the school of nature. Thomas Edison said he studied the laws of life. He said, “I know this world is ruled by Infinite Intelligence. It required Infinite Intelligence to create it, and it requires Infinite Intelligence to keep it on its course. Everything that surrounds us—everything that exists—proves that there are Infinite Laws behind it. There can be no denying this fact. It is mathematical in its precision.”¹

 

Success requires each of us to be a student of life and a student for life. Learning is living; there is no difference. We are all students of life, students of happiness, students of love, and students of success. When we learn well, we live better. Success is continuous learning. This applies to the modern world of work as well. Arie de Geus, the author of The Living Company, has pioneered the model of “the learning organization.” He teaches that success is a result of learning. He also states: “The ability to learn faster than your competitors may be the only sustainable competitive advantage.”²

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears” affirms that “readiness” is the key. Note that it does not say, “When the student is lucky, the teacher appears.” Readiness is the ability to be present in the moment called “now” and to receive every precious gift that is here. Readiness is the willingness to engage fully with what is happening and let every small detail speak to you, teach you, and lead you. Readiness is the ability to be spontaneously available for unplanned opportunities—not to be too busy, on autopilot, or preoccupied. Readiness is the willingness to drop your old learning and let grace inspire you with better ideas.

In business today the conversation is about diversity and inspiration. Tom Peters, in The Circle of Innovation, says that “we are all Michelangelos” and that our daily task is to keep opening to new levels of success. Peters is a student of possibility. He reveres the art of the possible. He quotes another student of possibility, Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, who says, “I make myself a relentless architect of the possibilities of human beings.”³ Readiness creates possibilities.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears” affirms that there is a teacher for all of us. If you accept that everyone is your teacher, then everyone can teach you something. A student of success might reflect deeply on what his parents have taught him about success, both positive and negative. He might even initiate a conversation with them about success. A student of success might ask his partner and friends, “What is success?” He may also examine carefully what his children are teaching him about success. Every relationship is a curriculum, and the lessons we learn in relationships can create more happiness and success.

The “teacher” can appear in many different forms. One of my greatest teachers is a book called A Course in Miracles.⁴ I study this book every day, and it inspires my work and life. A Course in Miracles encourages its students to cultivate appreciation for every person, every moment, and every thing. A central lesson is, “All things are lessons God would have me learn.” Your teacher may appear as a book, a film, or a beautiful piece of music. Patience is also a teacher, just as stress is a teacher, failure is a teacher, your cat is a teacher, illness is a teacher, and so on. Grace moves in mysterious ways.

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears” is a categorical statement. It does not say “sometimes appears.” Also, the word is appears, not arrives. This is an important distinction because arrives suggests that the teacher is currently somewhere else, but appears implies that the teacher is already here waiting to be noticed. Carl Jung had a Latin saying inscribed over the front door of his house: Vocatus Atque non Vocatus Deus Aderit. It translates as “Bidden or not bidden, God is present.” Grace is present wherever it is made welcome.
REFERENCES

1. The Forbes Book of Business Quotations, edited by Ted Goodman, page 453, Konemann (1997).
2. The Learning Paradox by Jim Harris, page 1, Macmillan Canada (1998). See also The Living Company by Arie de Geus, Nicholas Brealey Publishing Ltd. (1999).
3. The Circle of Innovation by Tom Peters, page 133, Hodder & Stoughton (1997).
4. A Course in Miracles, Foundation for Inner Peace, 2nd Edition (1975).

 

Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. Robert coaches leaders in business, education, politics and healthcare.