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The Secret to Interpersonal Happiness

16 Ago
BY LEO BABAUTA

As much as we desire being connected to others — good friendships, a wonderful romantic relationship, close family members — this connection always comes at a cost.

We get frustrated by other people.

You know it’s true. You might be really good friends with someone, but then they get angry at you for some reason, or they behave without consideration, and all of a sudden, your mood is much darker. You’re not happy with them, maybe they’re not happy with you. Things can go sour very quickly.

This is such a difficult problem that you could devote entire books to ways of working out these kinds of conflicts and frustrations. But I have one technique that, if applied consistently, will lead to a lot more happiness.

The secret: always take the good-hearted view of other people.

That takes some explaining, so let’s take a look at two ways of looking at other people:

  1. The ill-intentioned view. When someone does something rude, you think, “Why do they have to be so inconsiderate?” or “Who does that?” Basically, you see their actions in the worst possible light, without putting yourself in their shoes. Most of us do this regularly without realizing it. Anytime you’re mad or frustrated with someone, this is what you’re doing.
  2. The good-hearted view. When someone does something inconsiderate — and I’m not saying their actions are justified — you can try to think of those actions in a good-hearted way. For example, maybe they’re having a bad day and are grump — that doesn’t excuse their actions, but you can understand the feeling of being grumpy. Or maybe they were hurt by something you did (which you might not realize) and they are lashing out because of that hurt. That’s not a nice way to react, of course, but we can all relate to feeling hurt and lashing out. So the good-hearted view is that this is someone you care about who is hurting. Forget the personal offense, think about their pain, and be compassionate towards that pain.

Let’s take a brief look at the ill-intentioned way of seeing things, then go into what I believe will transform most people’s interpersonal happiness — the good-hearted view.

Why the Ill-Intentioned View is a Problem

It’s easy to see the rudeness, inconsideration and plain wrongness of other people. That’s because we’re looking at it from our own point of view, and thinking they should see things the same way as you do.

For example:

  • They left dirty dishes or a big mess in the kitchen. Why didn’t they just clean up instead of being inconsiderate? You feel they’re not acting as they should.
  • They said something kind of mean to you. You have no idea why they would be mean, you’re a good person who doesn’t deserve that.
  • They are mad at you for some reason. You don’t deserve that! What’s their problem?

Of course, there are much worse things, but these are some typical interpersonal problems, and common reactions.

These are natural reactions, but looking at things this way causes you to feel bad about the other person. You are frustrated, angry, offended or hurt. You build up resentment.

You might also react badly to the other person — say something hurtful or angry, lash out, ignore them, whatever your habitual way of responding to these things might be. This obviously will make them react badly to you, and now your relationship is hurt. You’re not happy, and neither are they. This isn’t a good situation.

The problem with the ill-intentioned view is that it doesn’t help anybody, and hurt the relationship. Worse yet, it’s self-centered (you’re seeing things from your own point of view) rather than thinking about the other person (whom you care about), both of you, or your relationship together.

The Solution: The Good-Hearted View

OK, so the self-centered view of seeing the ill-intentions of the other person isn’t ideal (not that any of us are ideal!). So what about the good-hearted view?

Well, this approach tries to use empathy, to see the good heart of the other person, to assume that they are good people with decent intentions who make mistakes and are having trouble of some kind.

For example, some reasons someone might act badly:

  • They genuinely didn’t realize how you would take their actions — from their perspective, there was nothing wrong with what they did. Your interpretation might be that they are wrong, but that’s only one way of seeing it.
  • They were caught up in their world, and weren’t thinking of how their words or actions might affect other people. This, of course, is self-centered, but we all do this, probably every day.
  • They are having a bad day, are in a bad mood, or are in the middle of a tough problem in their life. This causes them to react badly to you. This is not an excuse for bad behavior, but you can understand this, as we all go through it.
  • They have a bad habit of reacting to people in certain harmful ways. This doesn’t mean they have a bad heart, but instead, they developed bad patterns when they were young. At one point, these patterns were meant to protect them from harm, but now they just harm others.
  • They were abused by someone, or hurt in the past, and now they are worried that you are going to harm them. So they protect themselves. Not an excuse, but more of a way to understand people’s behavior.
  • You did something that they took offense to, and so they’re reacting badly to something you did. Maybe you didn’t realize you did this, but that’s the world they’re in.
  • They genuinely were trying to do something to help you, but you took it the wrong way.

None of the above excuses bad behavior. It’s wrong to be rude, to yell, to be violent. But to act badly is human, and to judge everyone for their bad behavior means we won’t be friends with anyone. Ourselves included, because if we’re honest, we have to admit that we act badly sometimes too.

We’re not looking for excuses, but instead to see the good heart in the other person. Yes, they acted badly, but it’s with a good heart. If we can see this, perhaps we can see the other person in a more kind light, and react to them in a more helpful way.

Some ways we can react, now that we see them in a good-hearted light:

  1. We can try to understand them, maybe even talk to them about what’s going on. People often like to be heard and understood. Make them feel like what they’re doing is understandable.
  2. From this place, we might also share how their actions affected us, without blaming, accusing or guilt-tripping. Instead, it’s from a place of wanting to resolve the conflict.
  3. We might give them compassion for the difficulty they’re going through. Maybe a hug, or the appropriate equivalent — just a “hug attitude,” where we’re trying to commiserate with them and make them feel better somehow.
  4. Or we might just feel the compassion inside, and not let ourselves get caught up in resentful or frustrated emotions, and instead, just leave the other person alone until they feel better, if that’s more appropriate.
  5. If the other person is genuinely harmful, you might need to get away from them (for your own protection), but with compassion you might not be so angry at them.

These are just a few options, but you can see that these actions are much more helpful for the relationship, for the other person, and for our own happiness.

You might say, “Well, isn’t this just rewarding or excusing their bad behavior?” That’s one way to see it, but I believe it’s more about not getting caught up in our own self-centered view, and not engaging in unhelpful and harmful patterns of thought. With the good-hearted view, we are more understanding, more compassionate, more likely to be happy and have good relationships.

The next time you feel difficulty with someone, try the good-hearted view. You just might find some happiness in a difficult situation.

Vídeo

Las frecuencias Solfeggio: utilización y poder.

8 Ago

¿Qué son las frecuencias de sonido Solfeggio?

Las frecuencias Solfeggio son frecuencias de sonido utilizadas para fines de curación. La historia de estos sonidos curativos es fascinante. Resulta que dichos sonidos eran cantados con precisión en el contexto de antiguos cantos gregorianos, pero la frecuencia exacta, la técnica y el conocimiento de sus propiedades curativas se perdieron de alguna manera más tarde en la historia de la humanidad.

Fue el Dr. Joseph Puleo, quien redescubrió los sonidos Solfeggio en los años 70 al encontrar las frecuencias (que se miden en hercios) de estos sonidos curativos únicos. Lo interesante es que Puleo encontró que estas frecuencias aparecen codificadas en la Biblia, en el libro de Números, capítulo 7, versículos 12-89. Puleo usó el método pitagórico de reducción numérica para desentrañar los misteriosos seis patrones matemáticos codificados allí: 396, 417, 528, 639, 741 y 852.

Una notoria validación científica de que estos patrones pueden utilizarse como frecuencias vibratorias de curación, es el hecho de que la frecuencia de 528 Hz es precisamente la utilizada por genetistas hoy en día para reparar daños en el ADN humano.

¿Por qué se llaman sonidos Solfeggio?

En la teoría de la música, “Solfeggio” (solfeo)es la vocalización de los tonos en una escala de música (también llamado “solfa”, o sílabas).

La escala original Solfeggio estaba compuesta por seis tonos. Los nombres de estos seis sonidos originales (Ut, Re Mi, Fa, Sol, La) llegaron como abreviaturas de la primera estrofa (en latín) del famoso himno Medieval “Ut queant laxis”, escrito por Pablo el diácono en el siglo VIII d.c. para la fiesta del nacimiento de San Juan Bautista:

Ut queant laxis Resonare fibris
Mira gestorum Famuli tuorum
Solve polluti Labii reatum
Sancte Iohannes
“Hay muchas traducciones e interpretaciones de este texto en latín, pero en definitiva, es una imploración a San Juan para “limpiar nuestros labios contaminados del pecado”, a fin de que podamos “cantar con cuerdas vocales sueltas las maravillas” de sus actos.

¿Cuáles son las frecuencias curativas de la escala Solfeggio?

Para fines de curación, lo importante es precisamente las frecuencias exactas asociadas con la escala Solfeggio, como sigue:

Ut: 396 Hz
Re: 417 Hz
Mi: 528 Hz
Fa: 639 Hz
Sol: 741 Hz
La: 852 Hz¿Estas frecuencias secretas son diferentes de las de la escala diatónica moderna?

Estas frecuencias son bastante diferentes a las de la escala musical moderna (también conocida como escala diatónica) de do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-si (o “ti”), lo que en inglés se traduce como C-D-E-F-G-A-B. Por ejemplo, el “do” o “C” de la escala diatónica moderna vibra a una frecuencia de aproximadamente 256 (DO central en el piano) o 512 Hz (una octava por encima de la media-C), mientras el “do” de la escala Solfeggio vibra a una frecuencia de 528 Hz.

¿Cuáles son las propiedades curativas que se atribuyen a las frecuencias originales de sonido Solfeggio?

La primera frecuencia, UT (396 Hz), se utiliza para liberarse del campo negativo, lo que significa deshacerse del miedo y la culpabilidad.

La segunda frecuencia, RE (417 Hz), se utiliza para permitir y crear un cambio positivo.

La tercera frecuencia, MI (528 Hz), es considerada la frecuencia de transformación y milagros, así como de reparación del ADN.

La cuarta frecuencia, FA (639 Hz), es la frecuencia del amor y la unidad.

La quinta frecuencia, SOL (741 Hz), es la frecuencia de la intuición y la iluminación.

La sexta frecuencia, LA (852 Hz), se utiliza para la visión y la conciencia espirituales.

¿Estas frecuencias también están relacionadas con los Chakras?

Además de la anterior descripción de las propiedades curativas que se atribuyen normalmente a los sonidos Solfeggio por muchos sanadores espirituales, músicos sanadores, científicos e investigadores, personalmente he encontrado que estas frecuencias también resuenan con los 6 primeros chakras, de abajo hacia arriba. Si tu tienes ya conocimientos prácticos sobre los chakras y escuchas estas frecuencias curativas, sentirás las vibraciones de la primera frecuencia en el primer chakra, las vibraciones de la segunda frecuencia en el segundo chakra y así sucesivamente, hasta llegar a tu sexto chakra. Así la quinta frecuencia, por ejemplo, trabaja también con tu chakra de la garganta y con los problemas asociados con ella.

Considerando lo anterior, resulta claro para mí que la gente puede usar las frecuencias Solfeggio para equilibrar y “afinar” sus chakras en una forma agradable, rápida y bastante simple, solo con escuchar las frecuencias de sonido.

396 Hz – FRECUENCIA PARA LIBERAR EL MIEDO Y LA CULPA
NOTA UT (DO)
Con esta frecuencia podemos eliminar de nuestro campo cuántico aquellas vibraciones como el miedo y la culpa.Su sonido refleja en nosotros una vibración elevada y equilibrada.
417 – FRECUENCIA DE LA TRASMUTACIÓN
NOTA RE
Esta facilita el cambio y deshace aquellas situaciones que nos provocan estancamiento.
Accediendo igualmente a nuestro campo cuántico, libera cualquier falta de armonía, nos permite transformarnos y evolucionar.
Provoca un estado en el que nosotros volvemos a elegir nuestro rumbo pudiendo promover los cambios en nuestro día a día.
528 Hz – FRECUENCIA MILAGRO
NOTA MI
Esta frecuencia resuena en el corazón, es la frecuencia del AMOR.
Tiene un color verde- amarillo.
Este sonido repara el ADN.

639 Hz – FRECUENCIA PARA LA INTEGRACIÓN DE ESTRUCTURAS
NOTA FA
Esta frecuencia nos favorece en cuanto facilita la conexión entre las personas y las relaciones.
741 Hz – FRECUENCIA PARA DESPERTAR LA INTUICIÓN
NOTA SOL
Con este sonido podremos poco a poco despertar la intuición dormida en nosotros, despertando así a un nuevo nivel de consciencia.

Es la frecuencia de la expansión de la conciencia.

852 Hz – FRECUENCIA PARA VOLVER AL ORDEN ESPIRITUAL
NOTA LA
Esta vibración puede elevar nuestra conciencia hacia un despertar más espiritual.
Compilación realizada por Lorena Lacaille.

 

How to Love Your Dark Side

31 Jul

We all have a side of ourselves (or multiple sides) that we don’t want others to see. You might think of this as your “dark side,” or the Gollum in you (as my friend Adam calls it).

It might be that you procrastinate, waste inordinate amounts of time on a certain site or game, drink or smoke too much, are jealous, ungenerous, critical of others, depressed or lonely.

These are not usually things we want others to see. But what if we tried to embrace our inner Gollum? What if we learned to love our dark side?

This is so against our usual approach that it might seem impossible. Love our inner Gollum? Absurd! We normally want to hide it, get rid of it, cure ourselves and forget everything about it.

But what if, instead, you tried:

  1. Telling someone else about your dark side, allowing some sunshine into this dark area of your life.
  2. Being gentler with yourself, and seeing this side of you through loving eyes. For example, maybe you are tired and are craving a rest, maybe you’re sad and want relief from that sadness. In this way, our dark side is not bad, but a (misguided) loving way to relieve our difficulties.
  3. Try giving yourself some compassion rather than being harsh on yourself about it. If you can wish for an end to your difficulties, and give yourself some love, maybe your dark side doesn’t have to be such a bad thing, just another experience in your life to love.
  4. When you start going to your dark side, pause here and allow yourself to just feel whatever pain you’re feeling, rather than going down your usual path of numbing or running away. Stay in the pain, and feel it fully. Immerse yourself in it, with curiosity and love.
  5. Laugh about your inner Gollum, telling others about it with some humor. It’s just another part of you, nothing to be ashamed of. And admitting it to others helps them connect to you in a more intimate way. Own it, and embrace it.

This won’t “cure” us of anything, but it is a gentler, more loving way of seeing ourselves, and dealing with the difficulties we face. I encourage you to try to love this side of yourself, as I’m trying to do with myself.

 By Leo Babuta
Vídeo

Los 3 tipos de decisiones que cambian la vida

27 Jul

¿Estás a punto de tomar una decisión importante? Cuando pensamos en decisiones importantes siempre lo asociamos con estas que nos cambian la vida y que una nos puede llevar a un lugar completamente diferente que la otra. Sin embargo, existen otro tipo de decisiones que poco a poco van cambiando nuestra vida, nuestras relaciones y hasta nuestro cerebro. Hoy te platico de las 3 más importantes.

Renata Roa

 

 

 

 

25 Years Without a Job

24 Jul

It’s been 25 years since I last had a job working for someone else, so I thought I’d share some reflections on what life is like on the jobless path.

Freedom to Choose

The most basic benefit of not having a job is exactly what you’d expect. There’s a lot more freedom to choose how to spend your time and what kind of life to create. This is indeed a powerful benefit, one that takes years to fully realize though.

When you aren’t tethered to a job, it becomes obvious that you’re responsible for your affairs and that you’ll need to make the big decisions yourself. This level of freedom can feel overwhelming at times, and it’s unrealistic to think that you’ll somehow create a masterful life in the first six months. You’ll still be limited by your ability to mentally and physically create the reality you desire.

On this path your personal shortcomings feed into your lifestyle limitations, so this is almost by definition a very growth-oriented path to pursue.

This is also a path of self-trust. The one time I had a job, I became an employee because I didn’t really trust myself, and I felt I needed the stabilizing effect of following orders for a while. After several months I realized that I could and should trust myself to lead my own life instead of hiring a boss to manage part of it for me. Surely I’d make some mistakes, but I’d learn and grow from them. And that is indeed what happened.

Achieving Goals

I like that I’ve been able to achieve a variety of personal goals that would have been hard to achieve if I had a job all this time. I created and published several computer games. I wrote a book and saw it published in many languages. I served as president of a non-profit association. I built two successful businesses. I traveled to many places I’ve always wanted to visit like Paris, London, Berlin, Rome, Amsterdam, and more. I built two successful forum communities. I trained in martial arts and ran a marathon. I designed and delivered 16 three-day workshops. I’ve made some unusual and interesting friends.

Or I could have worked at regular jobs for the past 25 years, in which case I probably wouldn’t have accomplished such a variety of personal goals. I would have built a career instead of having a life. Instead of collecting so many amazing memories, I’d be looking back on a much more mundane timeline of my past. I’m sure I still would have accomplished a lot, but those accomplishments would have been less varied and more constrained.

Instead of having to work on achieving an employer’s goals, I love working full-time on my own goals. I don’t have to squeeze my goals into my after-work hours. I don’t even have to squeeze them into my work hours. If a goal is important enough to me, I can push work aside and go after the goal full steam ahead.

This year my big goal is creating and launching Conscious Growth Club, a long-term project I’ve been working on for a few months now. It’s a challenge to be sure, and I’m loving the process of co-creating it with other personal growth enthusiasts. I can’t fathom how I’d tackle a project like this if I had a job sucking up my time and energy.

It’s also great that my work keeps pace with my skills because I decide which goals to set. I don’t have to be bored because my work is too easy or stressed out because it’s too hard. I can keep myself in the sweet spot of motivation by choosing goals wisely. This leads to bursts of high motivation where it’s fun to plow through 12+ hours of stimulating work in a day, followed by extended breaks for rest, play, and social time.

There’s just no substitute for holding the reins and being captain of your own ship.

 

Self-Expression

One of the key benefits of this path is being able to express my values more congruently than I could if I’d had a job all this time. The more I follow this path, the more it sinks in that my life is my responsibility, and I don’t have to live like everyone else does. I can do things my way because I don’t have a corporation dictating how I manage my time or run my affairs. I’m not a cog in someone else’s machine.

That entails more responsibility of course. I can’t turn around and blame my boss or company when I make mistakes. I have more freedom to experiment, to take risks, and to fail, so the responsibility for my results is more obvious. I can’t just gripe about excess bureaucracy or company politics to let myself off the hook. I’m always on the hook for how my life turns out.

Many people with jobs have to deal with values conflicts with their employer. For instance, you might care about helping customers solve their problems, but maybe your employer wants you to push for more sales. Or you might value good health habits while your company succumbs to a culture of junk food and soda. And quite often employers have chaotically shifting values that are unclear, so you never know whether you’re aligned with them or not.

Values conflicts are a part of life, but without a job, I eliminate many of these issues from my day-to-day life, so I’m able to express my values more congruently. I can write about any topics I desire with no censorship of my ideas. When I eat lunch at work, all the food is vegan. I keep my website free of third-party advertising since I don’t want to distract my readers with clutter. I can take as much vacation time as I desire, and no boss will ever complain.

This works well if you’re very self-motivated. If you need someone to pat you on the back for every accomplishment, like receiving a positive evaluation from your boss, you might miss having people formally recognize your successes. Without a job your motivation has to be more intrinsic to stay on track. You need to be satisfied by the natural rewards of accomplishing your goals and expressing your values because sometimes you’ll be the only one who cares or notices.

Financial Freedom

It took me several years and a bankruptcy to achieve the level of abundance I wanted. Lots of entrepreneurs struggle in the beginning because there’s so much to learn, and so many mistakes are possible. But if you’re intelligent, flexible, and willing to learn from those with more experience, you can eventually enjoy financial abundance without needing a job. This means that money is no longer a serious limitation to creating the type of life you desire.

When money is abundant, it becomes obvious that time is really the scarcest resource. Consequently, having more financial freedom can actually motivate you to improve your time management and to overcome procrastination. You’ll soon realize that money has no power of its own. Fat stacks just sit there and do nothing by default. It takes time to spend money if you want to spend it wisely.

As many friends who’ve built passive income streams have discovered, achieving financial abundance doesn’t automatically create an awesome life. Far from it! You still have to invest your time, energy, and intellect into figuring out what to do with your time. Even if you just travel around, it takes effort to figure out where to go next. It takes effort to figure out what to do each day. And if you aren’t careful, you could fall into a slump of depression if you allow yourself to slack off from personal growth.

Having more money won’t wipe out your problems. It will simply give you a different class of problems to deal with. The post-abundance challenges aren’t any easier than the pre-abundance challenges, but in some ways it’s easier to fall into a slump on the post-abundance side because you don’t have so much financial pressure pushing you to take action. You have to learn how to motivate yourself with positive action even in the absence of financial pressure. For some people this is really hard to do.

I know – it’s an enviable problem to have, but in practice it’s a real challenge to figure out how to spend one’s time when money isn’t such a limiting factor anymore.

I learned that money is a downright awful motivator for me. Even when I was broke, I couldn’t get very excited about following through on action steps to earn more money. Whenever I tried to earn more, I encountered failure, resistance, and setbacks. My path to abundance was to focus on creating a purposeful and fulfilling life regardless of how much money I had. That mindset was my path to abundance.

In retrospect this makes sense because money is a social instrument – really it’s a form of social debt – and trying to make people become indebted to you isn’t very inspiring. Focusing on the social side instead of the instrument side makes a world of difference since then you’ll be thinking about doing something that matters to your fellow human beings. The social side gets you taking actions that lead to social exchanges, whereby money can finally flow to you. Money flows to you through other people. If you focus too much on the money, the people aspect might block you from receiving.

I think many of us perpetuate our financial problems so we can avoid dealing with the bigger, scarier challenges like how to invest our precious days while our death timers are counting down. It can be less harrowing to deal with the challenges of financial scarcity instead of facing harder questions like, What should I do with the next decade of my life? Sometimes it’s easier to worry about the bills instead of your relationships, your life purpose, or your entire existence.

Finding the Best Rhythms

In order to feel grounded and to be reasonably productive, I need to have some structure in my life. In some ways this is easier without a job, but in other ways it’s harder. I don’t inherit the built-in structure of a job, but I can define my own working rhythm that may be a much better match for my personality and goals. I can also do a better job of integrating my work and my personal life. My personal world and my business world can be the same world.

I began today with my usual morning routine. I got up at 5am, went for a run while listening to some podcasts; did some stretching; sat in the park and reflected on life, the universe, and everything; had oatmeal with fresh blueberries for breakfast; and started my workday. I love to begin my days with cardio exercise because it’s an instant mood booster, it strengthens my self-discipline, and it rebalances hormones and neurotransmitters, so I feel mentally sharp for the coming day.

When I had a job, I didn’t care so much about optimizing my startup routine for each day. There was a disconnect between my productivity and my results. As an employee I sometimes prided myself on how little real work I got done each day. I didn’t like my boss, especially due to his bad temper and his use of fear tactics to manage people, so perhaps being unproductive was my way of punishing him for being such a jerk.

Without a job, however, being unproductive makes no sense since it’s clear that I’m wasting my precious life. So I’m very motivated to stay sharp and squeeze a lot of juice out of each day. If I don’t keep my standards high, I suffer for it, and there’s no one to blame but myself.

If I ever slack off, I can reboot myself whenever I want. I don’t have to wait till the end of a shift or a weekend. I can set new goals or pivot to a different rhythm whenever I experience one of those golden awareness boosts. If I want to start a new habit trial, I can kick it off as soon as I’m ready. I don’t have to work around my employer’s schedule.

If I feel unmotivated or burnt out, I can take a vacation starting the very next day (or in some cases, the same day). I can stay on vacation for as long as I want. I’ve taken breaks for 30+ days more than once. Taking a full month off can be very restorative, and I usually hit the ground running when I return.

I write when I’m inspired to write, not on some employer-dictated schedule. I don’t arbitrary say to myself, “I have to blog something today.” What draws me to the keyboard is when I’m struck by an idea. I’ve gone as long as seven weeks at a stretch without blogging, and it’s totally fine. It wouldn’t suit me (or my readers) to crank out drivel on a schedule. I’d rather write only when I have something inspired to communicate.

This isn’t the industrial age anymore. Working on a 9-5 schedule isn’t well suited to today’s best opportunities for creative knowledge workers. I feel fortunate that I don’t have anyone imposing such a schedule on me. Discovering my own best rhythms has enabled me to crank out 2 million words for 100 million readers over the years.

My best working rhythms would most likely be punished by an employer. I love putting in 12+ hour days when I’m inspired to work, sometimes for weeks at a stretch. Then I need time to disappear for a few weeks, travel, explore, and switch to a different mode of living – sometimes with less than 24 hours advance notice. During that time off, my subconscious continues working in the background and chewing on problems, frequently feeding me fresh ideas and helping me to figure out new goals. Eventually I can’t hold back the creative pressure anymore, and I’m eager to pounce back into work mode for another cycle. At my best I’m a burster, not a plodder. But what employer respects such a mode of working? If you find an employer like that, maybe that’s a job you should actually consider.

Social Freedom

If I had a job, I’d probably socialize with the same people every day, which could lead to a stagnant social life. I like having the freedom to choose the people I connect with each day instead of inheriting whatever social mandates are assigned by an employer. If someone rubs me the wrong way, I don’t have to deal with them. I can fill my life with friends that I actually like, and we connect socially by choice, not by forced circumstances.

How many people do you connect with each day that you actually like? Most of the social connections I have are with people I genuinely like. If I didn’t like them, I wouldn’t connect with them.

Being self-employed can lead to spending a lot of time alone, especially if you have an Internet business. If you go to an Internet marketing conference, you’ll probably find that the room is 80-90% introverts. Same goes for the speakers. Many of the people you’d think must be total extroverts based on their effervescent YouTube videos are actually quiet and shy when you meet them in person. They can look extroverted when they’re making videos by themselves, but connecting face to face is very different.

Many introverts are perfectly fine with this, preferring to cocoon themselves and do most of their interactions from behind digital devices. If that’s your cup of tea, you might really like life without a job. You can pretty much run your whole life this way today. Or you might prefer a job that minimizes human interaction.

I didn’t want to go that route though since I felt it wouldn’t be as growth-oriented for me, so in the same year I started blogging, I also joined Toastmasters International to develop my public speaking skills. I did this partly to create a better social balance for my life and business. I’m so glad I did that because it gives me the freedom to live as an introvert or an extrovert without being forced to pick a side. Sometimes I love getting away from the computer to engage with people face to face through speaking, workshops, meetups, and traveling. Other times I feel a little overwhelmed with socializing and crave a few weeks to work alone or to enjoy life with my girlfriend.

It’s fair to say that managing my social life has been my biggest challenge since I started blogging. It takes some real conscious thought to strike the right balance, and the right decisions aren’t always clear. I’ve gone through multiple rounds of social expansion and withdrawal to wind my way to a feeling of social abundance that isn’t overwhelming. Building Conscious Growth Club is one of the expansion phases.

I tend to make new friends easily, so I’m glad I don’t have to settle for a socially stunted life. I like having lots of stimulating, growth-oriented friends. I also like having the freedom to create a social life that works for me. I shudder to think of how repressed I’d be socially if I had a job that stunted my ability to thoughtfully manage this part of my life.

I think what I’ve most enjoyed on the social path is meeting other growth-oriented people who like to zig while the rest of the world zags. These people add tremendous richness to my life. And they give me hope that together we may someday entice the rest of the world to stop zagging so much. Haven’t we zagged enough already?

Exploration

Exploring personal growth is my passion, and it would be tough to fully explore this passion if I was tied to a job that limited what I could do.

If I had a 9-5 job, could I have done experiments with polyphasic sleep, water fasting, or going to Disneyland for 30 days in a row? That’s doubtful. Maybe I could do short-term experiments during vacations, but I couldn’t make these kinds of explorations part of my normal lifestyle. And I don’t necessarily want to chew up my vacation time dealing with no sleep, no food, and endlessly looping Disney music.

(As a side note, I finally got most of the Disney music out of my head, but now I’m stuck with the addictive songs from La La Land. And whenever they start to fade, Rachelle starts singing them again.)

Would I have gotten fired for blogging about open relationships or D/s play? Maybe. It would depend on the employer, but who wants to wear a social mask to please their boss? It’s easier just to be myself. I don’t want to have to pretend to be someone else each time I go to work.

I think many people hide behind their jobs as a convenient excuse for not exploring their desires. Exploration involves taking risks and facing fears. It’s easy to settle into a job and tell yourself that you don’t have the time, freedom, or money to identify, clarify, and pursue more interesting goals. Just getting clear about one’s desires can take a lot of work, let alone carving out the time to actually explore them.

I can get wrapped up in my business too, but it’s harder to pretend that I’m not in control of my explorations. If I’m not exploring something I really want to, I have to face and work through the inner resistance. I can’t just externalize an excuse and expect myself to believe it.

The result is that I explore a lot more than I would if I had a job. I don’t have to schedule my explorations during the gaps in my job. I can weave them into my work as well, and there doesn’t need to be a sharp separation between work, life, and play.

Location Freedom

A job can tie you to a single location, but without a job, you can go wherever you want, whenever you want. You can even live on the road if you like.

I once fantasized about going fully nomadic, but I like having a stable home base to come back to, and I sometimes feel burnt out from traveling too long at a stretch. I’m more productive in my home office, and some experiments are much easier to do at home. What works well for me is to oscillate between time at home and time on the road. I’ve gotten pretty good at taking spontaneous trips when I feel it’s time to get away from my desk.

I love that travel isn’t just a dream, but it’s something I can make real whenever I want. Going to other cities and countries has enriched my life tremendously, and I see this being a part of my lifestyle for decades to come.

Skill Breadth and Depth

As an employee I might be able to get by with a narrow set of skills, but to survive and thrive without a job, I’ve had to develop a great variety of skills.

As I shared in the article Mile Wide, Mile Deep, going broad with a skill set doesn’t mean being shallow. You can actually gain more depth from complementary skills that enhance each other.

On my path without a job, I’ve developed skills in programming, writing, business, public speaking, negotiation, coaching, event management, sales, marketing, creating income streams, community building, website development, product development, networking, and more. My college degrees in computer science and mathematics seem like such baby steps with respect to all that I’ve had to learn since then. It often feels like I must continue to earn the equivalent of a new college degree every year or two just to keep up with the rapid pace of change, especially when it comes to doing business online. I always feel like I’m behind in one important area or another, and that pushes me to absorb and apply new ideas quickly.

It’s important to me to have the freedom to direct my own educational path. Every week I devour information, and the more I learn, the more I’m exposed to the naked edges of my understanding.

Lately I’ve been enjoying other people’s coaching programs. I belong to two paid communities at present and will likely join more. Learning this way is more expensive financially, but it’s cheaper time-wise because I can learn faster from experts and coaches than I can from just reading books. I love reading and typically go through about two books per week, but that isn’t what moves the needle forward most of the time.

I think that if I were an employee, I’d fall into the trap of being too comfortable resting on my existing skill set and not pushing to expand and deepen my skills every month. I think I’d spend too much time doing my work the same way over and over instead of questioning how I work and continually seeking to build relevant skills for tomorrow’s world.

Having so many economically useful skills makes it hard to fail since I can always pivot to one skill set or another. I can write articles or books. I can do public speaking. I can do Internet marketing. I know how to build websites, web traffic, and online communities. I can write software, plugins, or video games. I can do basic audio and video editing. I can do consulting or coaching. And so on. I don’t have to worry much about a shift in my field rendering my skills obsolete. In fact, I love it when shifts happen because it allows me to pounce on fresh opportunities before most people even know what’s happening… like when I got into blogging in 2004, the same year WordPress came out.

Developing a variety of skills has made me a faster learner too, so I’m able to quickly build competence in new skills and start using them productively. The more skills I learn, the faster I seem to be able to pick up new skills.

This constant pressure to keep learning can burn some people out. I’ve seen friends go through periods of overwhelm related to worries that they’re falling behind. I succumb to that feeling too sometimes, but overall I love the stimulation of pushing myself to learn, learn, learn. I love looking back on the past month or quarter and taking stock of what I’ve learned. This month I’ve learned a tremendous amount about creating membership sites since I’ve been studying that intensely, especially with the help of resources like Chris Lema and The Membership Guys.

Gratitude

The main emotions I feel when looking back on 25 years without a job are gratitude, appreciation, and relief. This wasn’t a smooth road, and I took some lumps along the way, but I’m really glad I decided to pursue a jobless lifestyle. That decision pushed me to grow in so many ways I doubt I’d have experienced if I’d gone the employee route.

When I think about the next 25 years on this path, I feel happy, excited, and optimistic. Even if I just keep living the way I am now, I think I’d be pretty fulfilled on this path. But I’m sure there will be many changes ahead, and I’m looking forward to navigating them, even if they throw me off balance now and then.

Vídeo

How To Survive Life’s Greatest Challenges

18 Jul

We’re all on the road to enlightenment, each walking at our own pace and in our own time. If we’ve been on the path for some time, we can feel discouraged when, despite our best efforts, we spiral down and experience dark thoughts and emotions. This may happen due to an unforeseen loss, heartbreak, things not going according to plan or the darker times on the seasonal wheel.

It’s inevitable we’ll all spiral down to the depths of our psyche more than once, so here’s my user guide for finding your way back to the light.

Navigating Life’s Downward Spirals

Everything in life is cyclic – DNA, the seasons, the planets – and so are we!

In the ancient world, people sought feminine wisdom to navigate life’s downward spirals so they could embrace times of chaos and confusion as an opportunity to mature and grow their wisdom.

Without access to these wisdom teachings we can interpret times of chaos as some kind of personal failure, rather than see them as initiations to deepen our personal understanding. So let’s take a look at what can trigger us into a downward spiral.

7 Common Causes of a Downward Spiral 

  1. Autumn/Winter (the darkest seasons)
  2. New Moon (the darkest lunar phase)
  3. Grief – this could be when a relationship ends, as well as the loss of a loved one
  4. Illness/injury
  5. Menstruation
  6. Job loss/career setback
  7. Life transitions such as puberty, pregnancy, early parenthood, mid-life, menopause, milestone birthdays, empty nest syndrome or moving house

Are You Afraid of the Dark, Change or the Unknown?

The dark, times of change and the unknown are all initiations into the feminine side of our psyche. After 5,000 years of feminine wisdom being suppressed, understandably many people are afraid of the dark…. This doesn’t just mean being outside with no flashlight but experiencing our darker thoughts and emotions. Why? We’ve been conditioned to associate darkness with fear, so we resist going within to explore our dark inner states.

In the Goddess tradition, ‘going within’ was celebrated, with festivals at the start of Autumn (Fall) to commemorate the heroes and heroines who took up a quest to explore their wounded inner self during the darker months. The rise of the Roman Empire outlawed this tradition so, instead of the Underworld being perceived as the ‘Cosmic Womb’ to which we return cyclically to rebirth ourselves, we were conditioned to fear the darkness as Hell, a place of eternal suffering. The word, ‘Hell’ was taken from the Norse Goddess, Hel who originally presided as a midwife to help souls navigate their own inner darkness in the Underworld.

7 Pillars of Wisdom to Survive a Downward Spiral

If we focus on the outer world during transition times of intense change, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Our challenge is to stay centered and observe the thoughts and feelings surfacing within us. This helps us be in the void – the place of uncertainty. When we’re centered, it’s easier to attune to the deep knowing within us – our intuitive guidance that can direct us like a miner’s light in a cave.

Below is a map of the terrain to navigate your way out of the Underworld the next time you find yourself sitting at the bottom of the well, followed by some practical processes to help you stay centered and access your soul wisdom.

  1. Surrender. Allow everything to unravel as you’ll wear yourself out trying to keep everything together if it’s highest will for your life to fall apart. This initial stage can make us feel crazy with frustration when it seems that nothing is going according to plan, so we may be tempted to throw a cosmic tantrum at what we feel is divine injustice. Like the saying, ‘you have to lose yourself to find yourself’… we often have to lose our minds in order to hear our soul. The feminine initiates us into humility through chaos. We have to surrender to destruction and loss for creation and rebirth to occur. The Celts believed whatever was surrendered to Ceridwen, the Goddess of Death and Rebirth, would always be replaced by a gift of equal value and the bigger the loss, the bigger the rebirth. Ultimately, a new perspective and structure can only emerge if we release the old.
  2. Trust the Process. If we fight the process, we prolong our suffering. Seek to become like the feminine element of water and let go of attachments and expectations while affirming, ‘this too shall pass’. If we resist what is happening, we become rigid, brittle and break whereas if we relax, we’ll do less damage.
  1. Cast the Burden. Like the adage, ‘ask and it is given’ be sure to invoke divine assistance when you feel lost. Why? One of the Universal Laws that govern us all is the Law of Free Will. Our spirit guides and ancestors can’t help us unless they’re invited to do so. Call upon whichever ascended master, archangel or Goddess you prefer to assist you in your hour of need and visualize handing over your burdens, worries and fears. You can then stop fixating on them and mentally going round in circles. This simple sacred act of intent helps us become receptive to insights that can pierce the darkness of our mind.
  2. Incubate. When we have a lot going on internally, we can feel like we don’t have the energy for the outside world. Allow yourself retreat time to rest and reflect on your past hurts and experiences. Gestation is necessary if we are to birth a new perspective. Do not feel ashamed if you want to stay in bed and cocoon as this is what is necessary to facilitate your inner transformation. The more we accept that it is perfectly natural to undergo this chrysalis time, the easier it will be.
  3. Allow Yourself to Feel. In the act of birth, every unexpressed emotion finds the nearest exit. So too, when we’re birthing a new life chapter, identity or perspective, we can feel extra tender and emotional. Just as the most growth occurs in Spring, when we have the highest rainfall, our tears allow us to soften and become fertile for inner growth. So aim to become Zen about your feelings and allow them to surface and be expressed freely and without judgment. This ensures we don’t stay stuck in one suppressed emotional state, which results in depression – feeling grey – although it does mean risking feeling black in order to again feel the other colors on the spectrum.
  4. Face Your Shadow. Our shadow is comprised of our deepest, darkest fears about ourselves. Just as a thriller film is made more terrifying by the suspense of the worst moment, our anticipation of confronting our greatest fear is often worse than the moment we acknowledge we possess the traits we have most vehemently denied and judged in others.
  1. Acceptance. This is the turning point, when we accept and integrate what we had once rejected in ourselves. Self-acceptance shifts us out of the critical mind and back into our hearts, the place of our soul essence. Taking responsibility for our dark side activates our inner parent, the one who embraces our wounded inner child and will love us unconditionally, making us feel more whole and healed.

When next you find yourself feeling dark or experiencing change, loss or confusion, try one or more of the following practices to help reconnect you with your soul wisdom.

  1. Creative self-expression, such as poetry, painting, and composing music, helps us transmute negative experiences into works of beauty and wisdom through accessing the language of our soul. Art helps us heal and integrate trauma by recording our inner landscape; this helps us make sense of the dark and return to the light.
  2. Parables and myths help us identify our archetypal lessons and provide a map to integrate disassociated aspects of our psyche.
  3. Simple self-created rituals help us to set clear intent, anchor changes, and surrender to a higher power by invoking insight and guidance.
  4. Dream analysis and oracles help us consciously understand messages from our subconscious, and they act as keys to new ways of seeing.
  5. Bathing and guided meditations help us enter the stillness, so we’re receptive to  intuitive insights.

Tanishka is the author of five books and has taught sacred women’s wisdom and kundalini awakening practices for over 20 years. She has taught women in 43 countries to facilitate Red Tent women’s circles as a community-building initiative. She hosts workshops and retreats around the world. Over half a million people follow her daily intuitive guidance on her blog The Moon Woman.

What Makes a Woman a Goddess?

Vídeo

¿Qué es el EFT? Y como puede ayudarnos

15 Jul

¿Que es la Tecnica de Libertad Emocional?

La Tecnica de Libertad Emocional o EFT (por sus siglas en ingles), es la tecnica de acupresión psicológica que normalmente uso en mi práctica y la que más recomiendo para optimizar su salud emocional. Aunque todavia se pasa por alto, la salud emocional es definitivamente esencial para su salud y curación fisica—sin importar lo devoto que es en su alimentación y estilo de vida apropiados, usted no obtendrá la curación ideal y poder preventivo de su cuerpo si las barreras emocionales se interponen en su camino.

EFT es muy fácil de aprender y le ayudará a:

  • Remover las Emociones Negativas
  • Reducir los Antojos Alimenticios
  • Reducir o Eliminar el Dolor
  • Implementar Metas Positivas

EFT es una forma de acupuntura psicológica basada en la misma energia meridiana usada en la acupuntura tradicional para curar enfermedades fisicas y emocionales durante más de cinco mil años, pero sin la agresividad de las agujas. En cambio, simples golpecitos con las puntas de los dedos son utilizados para permitir la entrada de la energia cinetica a los meridianos especificos sobre la cabeza y pecho mientras se enfoca en su problema especifico—ya sea un evento traumático, una adicción, dolor, etc. –además de las afirmaciones positivas de su voz.

Esta combinación de golpear en la energia meridiana y hacer afirmaciones positivas en voz alta eliminan el “corto circuito” – que es su bloqueo emocional – que va desde su sistema de bioenergia de su cuerpo, para asi restaura el equilibrio de su mente y cuerpo, que es esencial para una salud optima y curación de enfermedades fisicas.

Algunas personas al principio no le tienen mucha confianza a los principios en los que se basa el EFT— la energia electromagnetica que fluye por su cuerpo y regula nuestra salud se está haciendo popular recientemente en el occidente. Otras personas se sorprenden inicialmente (y en ocasiones les divierte) la metodologia de EFT y de las afirmaciones, cuyos elementos básicos podrá aprender aqui.

Tenga en cuenta que, más que cualquier otro metodo tradicional o alternativo que he utilizado e investigado, el EFT si funciona. He sido testigo de los resultados en mis pacientes desde que decidieron utilizar exclusivamente el EFT en Junio del 2001. De hecho, debido a su alto indice de exito, el uso de EFT se ha propagado rápidamente, y los medicos que emplean EFT ahora se pueden encontrar en todos los rincones del mundo y en todos los paises.

Este manual le proporciona una visión general sobre dónde y cómo golpear, y las tecnicas de afirmación apropiadas, para que utiliceel EFT inmediatamente para ayudarse a usted mismo y a otras personas. Tambien le proporcionara una introducción a algunas tecnicas y principios avanzados de EFT que puede emplear. Si está interesado en tomar las prácticas y conocimiento del EFT a un nivel más elevado, por favor considere Try It On Everything.

 

Todo el Mundo Conoce la Regla de Oro

No le haga a los demás no que no quiere que le hagan a usted.

Es muy dificil amar al prójimo si no se ama a uno mismo.

Bueno, cuando hablo de amarse a si mismo, no estoy hablando de vanidad o arrogancia si no respeto increible de que lo que realmente es cada persona.

Usted no puede hacerse daño a usted mismo, o daño a alguien más. La aceptación incondicional es una de los principales objetivos en la vida y eso comienza con la aceptación y amor propio.

La cosa primordial que podemos hacer nosotros mismos para amarnos, especialmente en la perdida de peso es alejarnos de la critica. Si deseamos seguir adelante con el progreso tenemos que dejar de criticarnos a nosotros mismos ahora y siempre, nunca más. Es importante respetarnos a nosotros mismos y nunca más volvernos a criticar.

Muchos de nosotros nos hemos criticado y decepcionado por muchos años. Si queremos seguir adelante con este progreso, necesitamos ser persistentes con este patrón.

Cuando nosotros nos criticamos a nosotros mismos contribuimos a los cambios negativos en cambio cuando nos aceptamos a nosotros mismos facilitamos los cambios positivos. Nuestros pensamientos crean y contribuyen a todas nuestras experiencias de la vida, especialmente en relación con los problemas de salud.

Usted tiene control completo sobre sus pensamientos, no de sus emociones. Elija los pensamientos que sean nutritivos y de ayuda. La critica personal no nos ayuda a cambiar nada. Por lo tanto evite criticarse a usted mismo.

Necesita aceptarse a usted mismo de la manera que es. Si usted no se admira con diez, veinte, cincuenta o cien libras de más, será muy poco probable que se admire teniendo un peso ideal. La auto-aceptación es la clave fundamental.

Usted puede utilizar las afirmaciones de EFT para ayudarle a abordar el problema central que parece ser la clave de los problemas de salud en la mayoria de las personas, que es amarse a uno mismo y transformar pacificamente el auto critica.

Todas las personas hemos tomados decisiones negativas en el pasado, todos en general. La buena noticia es que todos tenemos la opción. Tenemos la opción de desencadenarnos del modelo anterior. Puede elegir pensamientos diferentes, de ayuda y nutritivos. Renunciar al modelo anterior negativo con amor, nos llevara hacia un nuevo modelo con facilidad.

Por favor siempre evite castigarse o desanimarse a usted mismo.

Perdón

Esta es una de las claves para comenzar exitosamente con la tecnica de libertad emocional, el perdón hacia los demás es tan importante como perdonarse a uno mismo. El no perdonar a los demás, no nos daña en lo mas minimo, pero causa estragos en nosotros, ya que el problema no es de ellos, es de nosotros.

Las personas que tienen problemas amándose a si mismos, siempre tendrán problemas para aprende a perdonar a los demás. El no perdonar, nos cierra las puertas, sin embargo, cuando perdona y olvida, no solo nos quitamos un gran peso de encima, sino que tambien se abre la puerta hacia el amor por nosotros mismos.

Cuando usted no perdona, cuando no olvida, lo que sucede es que el pasado y usted se relacionan y al estar estancado en el pasado no nos permite vivir el presente. Y si no puede vivir en el momento presente, ¿Cómo usted cree que podrá crear un futuro saludable y emocionante?

Esa es una caracteristica definitivamente maravillosa y poderosa de EFT, que le permite perdonar a alguien con eficacia. Cuento con la Tecnica de Libertad Emocional que le ayudara a muchas personas perdonar a un nivel profundo.

No solo en su cabeza, sino en su corazón, donde en realidad importa.

Su Lenguaje

Sin duda me he dado cuenta de esto en muchas personas con las que he aplicado esta tecnica de libertad emocional. Todo comienza con nuestro dialogo interno. Nuestro dialogo interno o la manera en que nos hablamos a nosotros mismos es tan importante debido a que es la base de nuestra palabra.

Esto establece la atmosfera mental en la que operamos. Esto atraerá a nuestras experiencias. Se ha dado cuenta que su subconsciente es en realidad un transmisor y receptor electromagnetico. Difunde las emociones en el espacio y lo que difundimos tiende a ser recibido por nuestro entorno.

TENGA MUCHO CUIDADO CON SU LENGUAJE

Se da cuenta que mucho de su poder está en su vocabulario. Los pensamientos que piensa y las palabras que dice están creando su futuro. Las cosas que dice son la extensión de sus pensamientos, por eso es muy importante nunca reprenderse a si mismo.

Siempre digase a usted mismo que está haciendo todo lo mejor posible

Si lo único que hace es decirse a usted mismo que esta gordo y feo, y además odia esa manera de ser, entonces se mantendrá encadenado. Usted necesita el apoyo amoroso y posteriormente hacer cambios. Usted necesita constantemente perdonarse a usted mismo por no ser perfecto.

Muchos de nosotros pensamos que tenemos que ser malos o erróneos antes de que podamos cambiar, pero en realidad no es asi. Cuando usted proviene de un entorno amoroso y de aceptación, los cambios pueden ser más sencillos. Usted hace un cambio por que usted desea mejorar su calidad de vida, y no porque sea una mala persona que quiere ser mejor.

Y el saber más le permitirá hacer las cosas de diferente manera, asi que nunca se reprima a usted mismo por lo que antes era.

Junto con la aplicación de la tecnica de libertad emocional diga, “hago lo mejor que puedo”.

Recuerde, es necesario perdonarse constantemente por no ser perfecto.

¿Qué es el Tapping? Episodio 1.