Our actions and experiences are a result of our thoughts and emotions; which are, in turn, dictated by our conditioned beliefs. To experience a new reality, we need to examine our core beliefs. One of the most powerful subconscious beliefs, one that powers our life, is that achieving certain goals in the future will resolve most of our challenges of the present. It is our deep-rooted belief around “doing, having, and being.”
Common Illusory Beliefs
We are possessed by the mental commentary that once I can do this (get promoted, expand my business, lose weight, get my kids to college), I will have that (more money, success, time, recognition, friends) and I will be there (happy, fulfilled, connected, proud, grateful). While there is some truth to that, particularly in the short-term, in the broader sense, it is an illusory belief.
For example, when the much-awaited promotion does come along, we quickly realize that we do not necessarily have the extra time we had longed for or the sense of fulfillment we had conveniently assumed. On the contrary, not only do we become busier, but also find ourselves setting sights on yet another future goal – the next promotion. In the process, we put our life on hold and keep postponing our happiness to another day in the future.
To transform our life into a more meaningful and happy journey, we need to reform this belief. We need to alter the sequence of the above belief to “being, doing, and having.” We need to start with what we deeply want to be, and let that guide us on what we do and have trust that with that, we will have all that we need.
For example, ask yourself whether you would like to be more successful or happier. If you had to make a choice at work, who would you rather be – a Happy Vice-President or an Unhappy Senior Vice-President? While being happy and getting promoted don’t have to be mutually exclusive, consciously making the above choice is important as it can determine what you pay greater attention to on a daily basis.
That, in turn, dictates what you engage in, how you structure your life, what you have, and how you feel. If you choose to be the Happy Vice-President, that doesn’t mean you stop putting in the committed effort at work, it’s just that you become more conscious of the underlying journey and your accompanying emotions.
We no longer single-mindedly pursue our career ambition then; instead, we actively invest in honing the skills to be happy and nurturing our inner well-being, alongside, and not as something we wish to materialize as a reward for our success. Ironically, plenty of research suggests that happier individuals make better leaders in any case.
We Attract Who We Are
We do not attract in our life what we want but who we are. In Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words, “What you are comes to you.” The reality is we have these choices all the time and who we choose to be at each moment shapes the direction of our life’s experiences. Once we make the shift towards prioritizing our inner state of being, it has a positive impact on every outer aspect of our life.
We shift from “Let me get though this busy phase and then I will organize myself” to “I need to be organized (so I can get through this busy phase)”; from “I need to control the kids now, when they are mature I will be more hands-off” to “I need to be more hands-off now (so the kids can be more mature)”; and from “Once I can lose weight, I will love myself” to “Learn to be more loving to myself (and I will be healthier).”
Read more about changing your beliefs to be happier in my book, Discovering Your Sweet Spot: A soul-searching guide for creating the life you really want, and connect with me on Facebook, or my website, http://www.rajivvij.com.